I Find It Hard To Tell You
by RosesandThorns666
Summary: She promised Dean she'd wait for him, but when he goes to her after the Apocalypse there are certain things about him that she notices and she begins to worry. She just wishes he'll tell her what's going on inside his head. Please R&R!
1. I've Got You

**Summary:** She promised Dean she'd wait for him, but when he goes to her after the Apocalypse there are certain things about him that she notices and she begins to worry. She just wishes he'll tell her what's going on inside his head. Please R&R!

**Disclaimer: **I don't own _Supernatural _or its characters. I only own Mia Williams.

**A/N: **ANGST! MORE DAMN ANGST! Okay, Dean/OC, and it's going to be very sad in places. Hope you enjoy!

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I Find It Hard To Tell You **

**~Chapter One: I've Got You~ **

Castiel left him in the Impala, and he was going to keep his promise to Sam. But the chance of a normal life wasn't what he wanted. He wanted to go back to the girl who promised him that she'd wait for him. He just hoped she'd kept her promise. Five years ago, he'd met a girl in his home town of Lawrence, Kansas, who he knew that if he ever got the normal life, he'd go to. She'd made a promise that went beyond the bounds of a on night stand, that went beyond friendship.

He and Sam had been taking a break from hunting when Dean met her, a girl who he sat next to in high school for most of his lessons. He'd taken her out once or twice, and Sam had known that Dean was in love with her. Dean just didn't see it, and he didn't know he was in love with her until he entered her body for the first time. They'd slept together at her place, and Dean had known that as soon as they looked at each other when their bodies were connected, he'd fallen for her.

He'd never said that to her though. He'd just promised her that he'd come back to her one day, and she'd promised to wait for him, for as long as it took. Right now, he was passing into Lawrence, and driving towards that familiar one-storey house with the bay windows and window boxes, the white picket fence and the flower-filled front yard.

And as he came to it, he took a deep breath, fighting back tears that had been threatening to come for a long time. He parked the Impala in the driveway next to that familiar dark red mustang, the name _Missouri _still there, painted gorgeously on the driver's door. He headed up the porch steps, with his bag in hand, knife tucked in there along with a gun and a round of salt. The damp night air wrapped it's way coldly around him as he knocked on the door.

Mia looked up from her book, releasing her honey blonde curls that her fingers were combing through before putting her book down. Her blue eyes looked to the clock, seeing it was eleven-forty in the evening. She wondered who in the name of God could be calling at this time of night, and she edged towards the front door, opening it and seeing a familiar face on the other side. Two gorgeous green eyes bore into her blue ones, and she felt a lower lip begin to tremble as her jaw went a little slack, her dainty hand covering her mouth as the nostrils at the tip of her small, straight nose flared a little as she began to cry.

"Dean?" She asked, Dean shuffling on the spot before speaking to her, a huge lump in his throat almost preventing him from doing so.

"I'm not too late am I?" He asked with a voice full of emotion that was waiting to spill out of him, yet he saw a gorgeous smile grace Mia's face as she shook her head.

"Promised I'd wait, didn't I." She replied, Dean stepping closer and winding his arms around her which shocked her a little.

She held onto him, stroking her beautiful fingers through the hair at the back of his head, letting out a sob as he held onto her in return. The strange thing was that she heard him sob too, and she realised that whatever had brought him to her was the result of something truly horrible. She didn't want to ask, since all that had been there in his eyes was pain as she'd looked at him for the first time in five long, lonely years.

"God, Dean..." She whispered, pulling back from the embrace to wipe away his tears.

"Mia...?" He began, looking down and reaching up to cup her face before looking at her, going to wipe her eyes, "I missed you..."

"Missed you too." Mia breathed, "Come on..."

She let him inside and closed the door, locking it before turning back to him, looking deep into his eyes and pressing closer to him.

"How long are you in town?" She asked, Dean biting his lip and pulling her into him, pressing his forehead to hers.

"Back for good, babe..."

"Sam?" She asked, Dean cutting her off with a squeeze to her arms.

"Don't..." He breathed, "Don't talk about..."

"I'm sorry." She whispered, Dean shaking his head.

"Don't be." He whispered, looking deep into her eyes before pressing his lips to hers gently.

Just the feel of her lips against his own was enough to take some of the pain away that Dean had felt for so long. When she kissed back, he pulled her as close as he could, just wanting to feel that she was there...that she wasn't going to fade away like everyone else had. Breaking their kiss, they looked at each other, foreheads still pressed together before Dean told her the one thing he'd never really told anyone else.

"I love you."

Mia bit her lip and kissed Dean again, nodding and shedding another tear.

"I love you too."

Sharing a deep, loving kiss, the pair held each other, both beginning to cry again as they did. And for once, Dean didn't care that he was crying in front of someone else, that someone could see he was suffering, because he had to get things into perspective now and be a little selfish. He'd spent his whole life looking after other people and protecting other people. So, maybe he had Mia to look after and protect now, but he needed care of his own, and Mia could see that. She'd never judged him, and Dean knew that even now he was close to completely breaking in front of her, she wouldn't think any less of him or judge him for it.

"Mia..."

"Shhh...it's okay..." She whispered, "It's okay, Dean."

Another set of sobs came and Dean gripped Mia tight, desperate for the pain and the grief to just go away. Mia understood there and then how upset he really was, and how much he was hurting.

"Mia..."

"I've got you." She soothed, pressing a kiss to his temple, "I've got you."

-TBC-

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**Hope you enjoyed! **

**Thanks for reading so far! **

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	2. Make A Brand New Start

**Summary:** She promised Dean she'd wait for him, but when he goes to her after the Apocalypse there are certain things about him that she notices and she begins to worry. She just wishes he'll tell her what's going on inside his head. Please R&R!

**Disclaimer: **I don't own _Supernatural _or its characters. I only own Mia Williams.

**A/N: **Woooo! Thanks so much for the support so far, guys, you're awesome!

Here comes chapter two!

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I Find It Hard To Tell You **

**~Chapter Two: Make A Brand New Start~ **

Mia kept holding onto Dean and she rubbed his back gently, sighing and pressing a tender kiss to his temple. She was so grateful that he was finally here, that he was with her now after all this time, yet she was upset because he was clearly in a lot of emotional pain. Maybe a good night's sleep would help.

"C'mon, baby..." She whispered, "Let's go to bed, huh? Bet you're tired..."

Dean nodded and Mia squeezed his hand, heading into the living room and turning the lights out before meeting Dean again in the hallway, pressing a gentle kiss to his lips. Dean reciprocated and pulled Mia close to him, running his fingers through her honey-blonde locks as he held onto her. She was now his safety, his love and his home. He was her lover and her protector, the one who she'd rely on to keep her safe in harm's way. And amazingly, Dean was perfectly okay with that.

* * *

2:43am.

Dean still wasn't asleep, and he just stared at his cell phone like he was awaiting a call from Castiel or something. He'd been so used to that through the Apocalypse and he just couldn't sleep with all the crap that was going on inside his very screwed up head. He heard a shuffling sound, watching as Mia sat up a little and looked at him in the darkness.

"Can't you sleep?" She asked, Dean just shaking his head, "C'mere..."

She opened her arms to him and he looked a little confused before he moved closer and rested his head on her chest, feeling her arms wind around him and her fingers rub his skin soothingly. He couldn't believe she'd taken him in so easily. Why would she want someone who was fucked up beyond recognition?

"Mia?"

"Relax, Dean..." She whispered, "You're so tense."

He had every right to be tense, considering what had happened over the past few years, but the poor girl before him had no idea that he'd been through crap like he had been and she was just trying to help him, bless her heart. He sat up and looked at her, realising how stunningly beautiful she was even in the darkness of the room. He leaned down, pressing his lips to hers and resting his body slightly over hers, their kisses deepening whilst staying slow and loving. Breaking a kiss, Mia turned her lamp on and looked up at Dean, stroking a hand through his hair.

"Dean...do you wanna...?" She began, Dean getting the hint and pressing a kiss to her lips again, "It...it's been five years..."

"Five years?" He asked, Mia's eyes sparkling with tears as she nodded.

"Waited for you."

Dean nodded gently and pressed another kiss to Mia's lips, watching as she opened her bedside drawer and took out a condom, placing it on the bedside table before accepting another kiss from him. The hunter brushed her curls away, leaning into bite her ear gently and kiss her neck. Mia shivered at the contact, the reaction to his ministrations making Dean smile. He'd almost forgotten what this was like, what with him not being with anyone since Anna and of course having so much on his mind that there wasn't time for it. God, he'd slept with so many women over those five years and Mia hadn't put her hands on another man. That added to his guilt.

"I love you..." She whispered, Dean pressing a kiss to her lips and stroking her body gently, his fingers coming up to card through her hair and stroke her face.

"I love you too, baby." He whispered back, Mia closing her eyes and kissing him again, a tear rolling down her face as she did.

Dean felt the droplet hit his hand, out of pure instinct going to wipe it away. He pressed their foreheads together before nuzzling her and pulling back, slowly pulling his shirt over his head. Mia rested her eyes on that beautiful body, looking over the tanned skin and the protection tattoo, those strong muscles and then they rested on the hand print on his shoulder and she bit her lip, reaching up to touch it but pulling her hand away again.

"Does it hurt?" She asked, Dean shaking his head.

"Not anymore."

"W-where did you get it?" Mia asked, "What happened?"

"I...I can't talk about it..." Dean whispered, bowing his head, "Not yet..."

Mia nodded and Dean took her hand in his own, bringing it up and laying it against the hand print which made both of them gasp. Dean felt strange, like the pain in his heart was just fading away slowly. He leaned down and kissed Mia much more tenderly, feeling her almost curling up against him like she was desperate to hold onto him, to be close to him. She pulled off her tank top and revealed her ample breasts, Dean leaning down to kiss her lips again.

"You're so beautiful." He told her, his lips brushing over hers as he did.

"So are you." She said, smiling weakly before kissing him again, a soft moan passing her lips as his hands went to her blue cotton pyjama pants, pulling them down along with her girl-boxers to leave her naked beneath him.

His boxers were gone in a flourish and the two of them pressed closer to each other, Mia feeling him harden against her before they started to rock their hips. His erection brushed against that sensitive button that sent Mia into oblivion, and she gasped, arching up against him.

"Dean..." She breathed, Dean leaning into kiss her neck as he trailed a hand down her body, feeling her grip his hair when his fingers found that button, "Oh God, Dean!"

Dean rubbed slowly and gently, each movement making her body tremor. She had always been so sensitive that the slightest touch could send her into a shivering wreck. She reached down and took Dean in her hand, stroking slowly before taking the condom from the bedside table, crying out and gripping the pillows as Dean's fingers slid inside her body.

She gasped and a spasm shot through her body, Dean realising she was wet enough to take him. He worked his fingers a little more before pressing against her with his aching hardness, slowly entering her body. She winced, holding onto him tightly which made him stop for a moment and let her settle around him before pushing in further.

"Y'alright?" He whispered, Mia nodding in response as he lowered himself down a little and kissed her, "I've missed you, gorgeous...so much..."

"I've missed you too." Mia replied, the two sharing a gentle kiss before Dean began to rock his hips.

His thoughts trailed for a moment to the women he'd been with who he cared about the most, and he realised how different this was to being with them. It wasn't rough and steamy like it had been with Cassie, or a _last-night-on-Earth _fuck like it had been with Anna. It wasn't _almost _like making love as it had been with Lisa. This _was _making love, true and honest, and Dean knew that Mia was beginning to heal him without realising what she was doing.

He leaned down and captured her lips in a kiss, feeling her sigh into the kiss, a soft moan following it. They gazed at each other, taking one another in after so many years of being apart. Rolling over, they gasped as Dean became fully sheathed inside Mia's body, the young woman leaning down and taking Dean's hands in her own, locking their fingers and pressing them into the pillow, the two of them moaning at the feeling of being so intimate after such a long time.

Dean sat up as they entered orgasm, grabbing onto Mia and holding her to his body as they panted and rocked through their high, only for him to soon realise that the heavy breaths that Mia were taking had suddenly turned into sobs.

"Mia?" He asked, the young woman just holding onto him and keeping her eyes closed, not wanting her tears to fall, "Baby?"

He pushed her gently so he could see her face, the young woman meeting his gaze as rounds of tears just fell down her beautiful face. His heart wrenched at the sight, chest tightening and stomach dropping as he saw her tears. Maybe she'd realised how fucked up he was and regretted taking him in. But her next words stopped that train of thought right there.

"I love you so much..." She whispered, gripping his body to her own, "I love you, Dean."

Dean sighed and smiled with relief, pressing a kiss to his lover's forehead.

"Love you too, Mia."

* * *

"But, Mia..." Dean protested as he stood in a clothing store's dressing room not eight hours later.

"No buts, Dean Winchester." She said, "You've gotta wear better clothes than the ones you had in your bag, okay?"

"But, Mia, I feel...I feel..." He began, looking at himself in the mirror, "Weird..."

"Why, 'cause you're so used to wearing that same leather jacket and green shirt...?" Mia asked, hearing a gasp and watching as Dean poked his head out from behind the curtain of the room, giving her a death glare, "Don't worry, I haven't gotten rid of your old stuff."

Dean smiled with relief before pulling back the curtains, revealing a dark blue long-sleeved t-shirt and a gorgeous pair of light blue jeans, Mia beaming at the sight and sighing.

"God, you look handsome..." She breathed, "See...I love it."

"I don't feel comfortable." Dean complained, Mia sighing and biting her lip.

"Keep this outfit at least, huh?" She asked, giving Dean the puppy eyes, "Please? I'll make it up to you..."

Dean grinned at the thought and nodded, kissing Mia's lips.

"Anything for you, baby." He whispered, squeezing her hand before going to get changed again, Mia waiting and biting her lip as she did.

This was a brand new start for her and Dean, and she hoped in time that he'd tell her what had happened to bring him back to her, and what had happened to his brother, because clearly, he was in some kind of deep emotional trauma and Mia would be damned if she let him go through it alone.

-TBC-

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**Hope you enjoyed! **

**Thanks for reading so far! **

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	3. Home Sweet Home

**Summary:** She promised Dean she'd wait for him, but when he goes to her after the Apocalypse there are certain things about him that she notices and she begins to worry. She just wishes he'll tell her what's going on inside his head. Please R&R!

**Disclaimer: **I don't own _Supernatural _or its characters. I only own Mia Williams.

* * *

**I Find It Hard To Tell You **

**~Chapter Three: Home Sweet Home~ **

As Mia and Dean returned from the mall, Mia was greeted by one of her neighbours, an elderly woman who lived just across the street. Mrs Phelps was indeed a lovely old woman. She always asked about Mia and how she was before she even thought of herself, and she would help Dean at the drop of a hat.

"Good morning, Mia." She said as Mia climbed out of the car.

"Morning, Mrs Phelps." Mia replied, "How are you this morning?"

"I'm fine, thank you." Mrs Phelps said softly, smiling as Dean climbed out of the car, "And just who is this handsome young man?"

Dean smiled weakly and Mia took his hand, pulling him a little closer.

"This is my boyfriend, Dean Winchester." She said softly, "Dean, this is Mrs Phelps."

"Hi." Dean said softly, pulling Mia into his side and kissing her head.

"How long have you two been together?" The old lady asked, Dean smiling in response.

"One night...I just got back from the middle east last night." Dean said.

"Yeah, he's been away for five years..." Mia replied, "Fighting for our country."

"I bet you're glad to be back on home turf." Mrs Phelps said quietly, Dean nodding in response.

"Over the moon."

They hadn't lied completely. Well, Dean hadn't. He had been fighting for their country. For the world, actually and Mia still had no idea. He knew he'd have to tell her, but he wasn't sure how she'd take it.

"So...you waited five years for him?" Mrs Phelps asked Mia, the young woman nodding in response, "Bless you both. It was lovely to meet you, Dean."

"And you." Dean replied with a sweet smile, the old woman turning to head inside while Mia kissed Dean's cheek and went to get some of their shopping bags.

Dean bit his lip and shook his head. He could've sworn that he could smell sulfur...But maybe that was just his imagination. Maybe his mind had gotten the better of him, after spending almost every day of his life fighting creatures. It wouldn't surprise him if it had.

He went to help Mia, jumping a little as she gasped in pain and gripped her back.

"Mia?" He asked, catching her as her legs buckled, "Hey, take it easy, okay...?"

He watched her lower lip tremble and he didn't know what to do. He wondered what the hell was happening to her but she gripped the trunk of her car and bit her lip, her hands moving to hold his.

"Bad back..." She breathed, Dean going to lead her inside and get her sat down.

"Come on, baby..." He said softly, keeping a gentle arm around her as they headed towards the porch steps, "What happened?"

"Got attacked a few months ago...by one of my old enemies from school. He just jumped me..." Mia confessed, "If it weren't for my brother, then I don't know what would've happened."

"God, I'm sorry..." Dean said softly, Mia just shaking her head and crying out at the twinge that shot up her back, "Sorry, did I hurt you?"

"No...just hurts to walk up the steps..." Mia gasped, Dean picking her up carefully and carrying her inside, laying her on the sofa, "Thank you."

"It's okay." Dean replied, kissing her head, "I'll see to the rest of the stuff, okay? Love you."

"Love you too." Mia whispered, stroking Dean's face before he left the room.

As soon as the front door closed she began sobbing, wincing at the horrible pain that was shooting through her back. It was so bad she was starting to shiver and she tried to stop before Dean came back, but she knew it was too late when he came into the living room with a panicked expression on his face and he knelt beside her with nothing but worry in his eyes.

"Sweetie?"

"Heat pack..." She sobbed, "Kitchen drawer next to fridge...microwave for ninety seconds..."

"Okay." Dean replied, kissing her head, "Okay, baby."

Mia rested against the couch and waited, taking deep breaths as she heard Dean heating up the pack, also listening him willing the microwave to hurry up. She felt bad but her back really was horrendous. She definitely wanted to go and see a physiotherapist or someone about the pain in her back, just to see if there was any cure for the pain.

Dean returned and pressed a loving kiss to Mia's lips, helping her turn herself onto her stomach before placing the heat pack where she instructed him to and rubbing her upper back and the back of her neck gently.

"Would you like a coffee?" He asked, Mia smiling sweetly in response, thankful to be relieved of the pain.

"Thank you." She breathed, turning on the TV and starting to find them a movie to watch.

* * *

Mia ended up going to bed with the pain in her back, and Dean felt so horrible that he couldn't do anything for her. Sleep would do her the world of good, he figured, and he decided to clean his guns and knives to pass the time since TV was just annoying the hell out of him. But the smashing of glass and the scream that came from upstairs sent Dean's hunting senses berserk and he grabbed Ruby's knife, a gun with a round of rock salt and some Holy water before sprinting upstairs.

"Mia?" He called, opening the bedroom door to find Mrs Phelps, the same sweet old lady holding Mia up against the wall by her throat.

"Good girl, Mia..." She cackled, eyes blacker than night, "You gave him straight to me..."

Mia looked up at Dean with confusion and tearful eyes, but Dean was having none of it. He sprayed the old woman with Holy water and slit her throat, Mia dropping to the floor and curling up in the corner with her hands clasped over her mouth, Dean realising that he'd have to tell her everything...

The truth was about to come out, and he didn't know how Mia would take it.

"Baby...?" He breathed, "It's okay..."

Mia gasped and pressed against the wall, shaking her head and sobbing as he moved closer to her.

"I know this looks bad...but...I'm not gonna hurt you, alright?" He whispered, Mia just sobbing as she looked at him, her hand reaching for him, which he took and kissed before pulling her to his body, "Are you hurt?"

Mia shook her head and buried her face in his neck as he sat beside her, his arms winding around her as he pressed gentle lips to her forehead.

"Sweetie...there's stuff we gotta talk about..."

* * *

"So...you hunt demons...?" Mia asked as Dean explained the following day, after he'd taken the body of Mrs Phelps and burned her in a field several miles away.

"Yeah." Dean replied, "Well...I did hunt demons...until I arrived here..."

"I see..." Mia breathed, "That would explain...how you knew how to get rid of it..."

"I know that it's hard to take in..." Dean whispered, "I know it's weird..."

"No, no..." Mia whispered, "I've...I've heard weirder..."

"Mia...if you're not okay with this, I can leave." Dean said, "It wouldn't surprise me if you didn't want me around...I...I can find somewhere else..."

"Don't be silly." The young woman said softly, taking his hand, "Th-thank you for being honest with me...And if there's ever anything you need to talk to me about, Dean...with...concerning your past...and Sam...you know you can tell me."

Dean, in all honesty, hadn't expected Mia to take the news seriously. He'd told her about his mother and father, about how he'd been raised and what he'd hunted. He even showed her John's journal and his weapon collection which had left her pretty shocked. Hell, Castiel and all that other stuff had been left out of it, but Dean knew deep down that in time he'd have to tell her the truth.

Because sooner or later, she'd begin to notice his nightmares and his constant fear, and begin to ask questions.

-TBC-

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**Hope you enjoyed! **

**Thanks for reading so far! **

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxx  
**


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